the thoughts and ramblings of a bibliophile

I was musing about how funny the games we play with people really are. Everybody I know likes to believe they are above the “games” of day-to-day life; and yet, we are all entangled in more than we can count. Money’s a game–you have it, then you lose it. School is a game in the sense that if you “play by the rules” and lay your head (and soul?) down and study 24/7 you will eventually “win” your prize of a degree or a diploma or another assorted piece of paper asserting your intelligence to the rest of the world. The family game is a tricky one, as we each have different battles to conquer withing our nuclear units. Work’s a joke of a game–you put in your hours, 9 to 5 monday to friday 355 days a year, lay down your beliefs and your individuality and your freedom to “gain” a rung on the corporate ladder (um..kill me first?). We’re never free of games, even (and I find m0st interestingly) in relationships. Between friends, there is always the challenge of keeping secrets and protecting feelings; between siblings, the eternal search for peace in the battle for equality; between children and parents, the constant battle between inter and independance…between lovers, the search for honesty, harmony, and happiness. How do you stay afloat when you’re expected to be a million different people from one day to the next?

It’s become especially interesting to me how men each have their own variation of the same “game” (to use Neil Strauss’ terminology, as much as I may hate to do so), and how us ladies are subconsciously judging this “game” 24/7/365. Since I broke up with the Brit, I’ve had the most active social (and romantic) life I’ve ever experienced. My girlfriends (love you! <3) definitely pushed me out of my shell and I can’t thank them enough for that–I’ve never had more fun in my life. It has been almost a social experiment of mine, seeing how men treat me differntly now that I present myself the way I see myself now (that is, bubbly, fun, pretty, outgoing, positive, et cetera) versus the way I saw myself about six months ago (that was, chubby, boring, geeky, lame, et cetera). Most noticably, I haven’t had to go fetch a phone number in ages–rather, it’s become somewhat of a dance. There’s the obligatory eye lock from across the dance floor, the split second when your eyes first consciously meet and a tiny spark of electricity seems to fly across the room. Then, undeniably, you’ll bump into each other for some arbitrary reason or another (i.e. “can I bum a smoke?”, “bumping” into each other on the dance floor, “can I buy you a drink?”), which will lead to awkward conversation and some more eye flirting. If things go well at tis point, you inch closer and closer, until you pull one another away for a smoke or a drink or a dance. If things go well from there you make open ended plans and make sure one has the other’s number before you part ways. The next three days are spent in anxious anticipation of a text or a call from _____, and if he doesn’t abide by the three day rule, he is written off until you a) bump into him the next Thursday, b) get a text from an unknown number, or c) run into him at Mac’s 3 months later looking like hell, having to come up with an excuse on the fly as to why he knows you and you don’t know him…

us humans are so predictable. I don’t know whether I love or loathe it.

There are so many solid examples of these “games” we play. I find if fascinating from a behavioral standpoint (especially that women take primary roles in most of these games and yet we let males feign sexual dominance. Biological ego boost?) and have thoroughly enjoyed trying to take not of behavioral patterns I see in and around bar settings. We’re a hilarious race–somebody was laughing the day they made us.

On a tangent, I was asked to model for the first time in my  life yesterday. My buddy Logan is a photography student and we spent a solid few hours taking hundreds upon hundreds of pictures of me being…me. Complete with aviators and cool lenses. I’m waiting on him to finish editing them now, but as soon as they are done I will post a link. I don’t remember if I mentioned this in my last post or not, but bear with me–I’m running on fumes and I was really, really excited about it. I can’t wait for the weather to get warmer so we can go do the same thing but lost in the coulees..!

Anyways, I’m gonna cut this short for tonight.

love.

m